The breastfeeding debate is something I feel strongly about.
Let me tell you my story, or should I say my nightmare, so you can understand
why.
My daughter Annie was born in October 2008. I wanted to feed
her myself. I imagined it would be a wonderful and special experience and I had
been regularly told it would be better for her.
I thought I was doing fine and the midwives told me I was
doing great. I expected it to hurt but not to the extent it did. My husband
couldn’t watch me feed as he hated seeing me wince in pain. I bled a lot too. Annie would take a break
from feeding and blood would dribble from her mouth, I found that upsetting and
concerning.
Annie was a very unsettled baby. She cried a lot and barely
slept, more than once she went 6 – 8 hours without a minute of sleep and she
was so distressed. Yet the midwives when they visited just said it was normal,
one said ‘babies do cry, be grateful you have your husband, I had to do it
alone.’
As she tuned two weeks old I noticed she had green bits on
about 6 of her fingernails. We went straight to the GP. When the GP opened
Annie’s clothing to examine her she was shocked to see how thin she looked and
called the hospital immediately. Me and her Dad drove her straight to the
hospital, we were so exhausted and so scared.
Annie had to have blood tests and had a tube inserted to her
hand ready to take a drip. She also had to have a lumbar puncture, where fluid
is taken from the spine, we had to stand outside the room whilst they did it as
we were told it would be too traumatic to watch. At that point I couldn’t
imagine anything making me feeling more traumatised than I already felt.
We were put in a side room to wait whilst a room on the ward
was found. The nurses brought me a machine so I could extract milk so they
could monitor how much Annie was drinking. I tried my best but could barely
extract any, they said when I was done to let them know so it could be
refrigerated. My husband went out countless times to tell them but they were so
busy no one came for over an hour at which point they declared the milk useless
as it hadn’t been refrigerated and they poured it away!
I was defeated. I insisted at that point I couldn’t feed her
any longer and for the sake of seeing how much she was drinking I would switch
to bottles.
Eventually after hours of waiting we were taken to a room on
the ward where I could stay with Annie and she was started on a course of
antibiotics for the infection on her finger nails. I had to record how much
milk she drank and she was weighed regularly.
We were in for a total of 5 days. I stayed the whole time.
When I arrived on the ward I was asked if I was breastfeeding. I said no and
was made to feel like a second-class citizen. I was told they only provided
food for mothers who were breast feeding. I had to wait for our visitors to
come each day so I could go and get something to eat.
To this day, I don’t know what caused the infection, it was never explained to me. All I cared about at that time was that Annie was getting better and putting on weight. When we arrived home she immediately started to cry less and sleep more. I was still paranoid though and noted what she drank at each feed for weeks after.
In January 2012, my son Freddie was born. I had decided I wouldn’t
breast feed him. I couldn’t risk having what happened with Annie happen again
and I knew if I breastfed I would be constantly worried and stressed and that wouldn’t
do him any good.
The midwife that delivered him asked me whilst I was in
labour if I planned to feed him, I said no and explained my reasons. I felt the
need to justify my answer as I knew she wouldn’t approve. I was right she didn’t.
Whilst I was in the second stage of labour (the worst phase) she was trying to
convince me to change my mind by telling me that he would get sick much more
often if I didn’t. How cruel to emotionally blackmail a woman at that time!
Midwives are amazing in so many ways. I respect the work they do greatly. I just think they can force the breast-feeding issue too much and it verges on bullying.
My advice would always be that if you are happy to try
breast feeding go for it and if you’re lucky it will work for you however if it
doesn’t or if you are not enjoying it then change it, a happy mummy means a
happy baby.
Having not breastfed feels like a dirty secret. I’m often
made to feel inadequate or less of a mother when I read articles and social media
threads on the subject. Let’s please be less judgmental of those who for whatever
reason didn’t breastfeed. If you did manage it then be eternally grateful and
please never be smug.
For the record both Annie and Freddie are very well
children. I’m scared of tempting fate writing this but to date Annie has only
had two upset tummies and Freddie just one. In three and a half years of school
Annie has only had one day off sick.
Thank you for reading
Kelly x
Thank you for reading
Kelly x
Dear Kelly,thank you for sharing your experience. I didn't have enough milk to fully breastfeed my baby girl while in the hospital after her birth and just with that some nurses were quite rude. I was lucky and it started to be much better after we came home and I started to eat edible food and get rid of stress. She is 4months old and fully breastfeed and growing like a weed but your experience can help to a lot of moms. Have a great day, week, life with your cute and surely happy daughter and son:)
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading. I'm sorry the nurses were rude and I'm so glad you got to where you wanted to be in the end x
DeleteYou wrote this in a very balanced way, which is very strong of you because I can more than understand if you hold bitterness and resentment after your awful experiences!
ReplyDeleteI look at breastfeeding the same way I see solids. Some parents will choose an organic vegan diet, some will rely more on fish fingers and beans. They are both doing their best for their child, and as long as said child is healthy and happy, that's what matters.
It's absolutely not okay to shame mothers who can't or don't breastfeed. Having a newborn is the most emotionally and physically exhausting experience, and I'm really sorry that you were not supported enough through it.
Thank you so much. Comments like this mean a lot. I have been bitter at times but am trying to let go of that. It's such a monster of an issue for so many and I wanted to share my piece of that x
DeleteThank you for sharing this post, I think the choice to not breastfeed needs to be talked about more. Like you I wanted to breastfeed my son. When he was born premature at 35 weeks, he had swallowed fluid and was having difficulty breathing. He was placed on Oxygen in an incubator, where he remained for two weeks. As my milk had come in, I was expressing it but was unable to hold or feed him myself as he was too ill. Once he came off the Oxygen we were both discharged onto the TCU ward, to try and establish breastfeeding. Up until now, he'd been fed breast milk I'd expressed through a tube. I could not get him to latch on properly. I tried every position imaginable, but my milk flow was too fast for him to stay latched on, and he was too sleepy to remain awake to take a full feed. After a further week and two bouts of mastitis later, I made the decision to express and bottle feed. He had two months of this until my milk dried up and I formula fed the remainder of the time. The whole time I tried breastfeeding I didn't feel comfortable and said so to the midwives, but as soon as I started bottle feeding they almost washed their hands of me, something that - as a first time mother - I found incredibly upsetting. I don't know why we stigmatise bottle feeding mothers but it needs to stop. As lon as the baby is happy, healthy and gaining weight appropriately, we should learn to respect a mothers choice on how she feeds her baby, not ridicule her.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your story. It's so sad such a special time can be overshadowed by the pressure to breastfeed. I agree that the stigma of bottle feeding must end x
DeleteThank you so much for sharing your story. It's so sad such a special time can be overshadowed by the pressure to breastfeed. I agree that the stigma of bottle feeding must end x
DeleteThat's horrible! If for some reason breastfeeding isn't' working, your baby needs to eat and you don't need to be shamed. So sorry that happened to you mama! And trying to convince you to nurse your kiddo while you're in labor? I mean really. I'm having contractions right now! Not interested in talking about this. Or talking at all really. It would be so terrifying having a baby in the hospital with no idea what's going on. I might bawl my eyes out! Great job getting your kids fed! You're a good mom!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Comments like this make sharing my breastfeeding story worthwhile x
DeleteThank you. Comments like this make sharing my breastfeeding story worthwhile x
DeleteAs a midwife, I'm so sorry that you felt bullied ♥
ReplyDeleteThis is an absolutely horrific account of exactly how new mums should not be treated by healthcare officials. As much as I think breastfeeding is amazing, I also dont think it is the be all and end all. Fed is most definitely best and no mum should be made to feel there is a right or wrong when it comes to feeding her baby. I'm so sad that you didnt get the support you needed, but thank you for sharing your story as part of my #BreastfeedingStories series, hopefully it will help other mums to be avoid a similar experience or help new mums that have also experienced something similar. Emily x
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry you had such an awful experience. I breastfed btoh my kids for about 10 weeks then moved to bottles and remember feeling the need to justify it to everyone the judgement was just awful! Midwives need to start taking a hard look at how they are approaching feeding. Yes it great to support breasfeeding but not the extent that you can be affecting a mothers mental health by pushing it. Glad both your babes are doing great now. Great post x
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