How I Turned My Fear Of Make-Up Into My Love Of Make-up

I want to share with you my make-up story and how it has been affected by my fear of judgement. This is how I turned my fear of make-up into a love of make-up.

Make-up is such a personal thing and each person has their own relationship with it. I love that there are no rules and that it can be fun. For many years, all I used make up for was to hide my spots and it wasn’t fun at all.

My fear of judgement was first recognised about 18 months ago, and I’ve been working on facing that fear ever since. One of the things I regularly spoke about with my therapist was how self-conscious I have always been about my appearance. Because I felt that way I absolutely did not want to be judged on it so I tried to always ensure my appearance didn’t alter thereby not drawing attention to it.

When it came to make-up I had a very limited comfort zone. I would not leave the house without make up on, not even to the local shop, not even to the post box. However, I also wouldn’t add to it for a night out. From my early twenties until last year, each day I wore tinted moisturiser, concealer, blusher, mascara and maybe a nude lipstick. No more, no less.

I even wore it to swim, I just left off the mascara and lipstick and prayed no one realised.

I started to wear make-up initially at about age 17 after one of my cousins taught me some techniques to apply it. I still hated for it to be noticeable so I didn’t wear foundation and I wouldn’t add blusher as I was sure on my pale skin it stood out from a mile off. So, I simply wore concealer, powder and mascara. After a few years, I realised the powder was doing me no good and that I looked like a ghost! So, I changed it to the routine explained above.

I believe it was two years ago, that the craze went around Facebook to post a make-up free selfie? I was nominated but I couldn’t bring myself to it. Vanity didn’t stop me, downright fear did.

Eventually my therapist got me to start going out without make up. First on the school run. Then for days at work. I needn’t have been scared at all. No one treated me any differently at all. It was a revelation. Here’s a recent make-up free picture.

The next challenge was to wear more make-up. I went into town one Tuesday morning on my own, I needed it to be quiet so I didn’t lose my nerve. I stood outside Debenhams waiting for it to open, my intention was to visit a make-up counter. I had always avoided that before. The heavily made up assistants made me feel so intimidated and I was sure they would judge me as not good enough. I’d imagine them thinking, ‘Why would someone who looks like you bother with nice make-up?’

I walked back out at first, then after some encouragement from a friend on the phone I went back in and found myself on a seat at the MAC counter. The lady who helped me was so lovely! She was patient with me and reassured me, she was also very complimentary and told me I should wear make-up more as it really suited me. She picked some eyeshadows and taught me how to apply them. I bought those, a blusher and a lipstick. I was so proud of myself!

I came home and worried I wouldn’t remember what she had taught me so I decided to search YouTube for a tutorial. That was it, I was hooked. I loved watching all these girls and women doing their make up. From teenagers to women in their forties and beyond. They loved make up! It was a passion, a hobby, an obsession even and you know what, it was fantastic. They weren’t wearing it for other people, they wore it for themselves.

Whilst I still don’t wear what many would consider a full face of make-up, I am much more experimental than I used to be. Best of all I can now do the school run in full make up as happily as I can do it with none and regularly switch between the two.

Make up is finally fun, if not a tad expensive. Ooops!

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