My Fear of Goals and Why This Year I am Setting Them, Blogging and Personal

Goals is a bit of a buzz word right now isn’t it. Honestly, I have never sat down before and thought up a list of goals for myself. I’ve made resolutions of course (and failed, of course.) I have even jotted down lists of things I want to do or achieve (sounds like goals, right?) Yet I had such little devotion to them that I always wrote them in pencil at the back of a notebook, so no one would find them, and I wouldn’t be accountable so then of course I never achieved any of them!

I also was all too often embarrassed of my goals, dreams, ideas and aspirations. I wanted them hidden at the back of the book as I thought anyone finding them may laugh at me for thinking I could achieve those things, or for even thinking I was good enough to aspire to anything at all. It was my fear of judgement at its worst.

If you read my last post, you will know that in 2017 I started to face up to that fear and won. So, this year on January 1^st I sat down with a pen and wrote my goal list at the front of my lovely new notebook. Now I am going to share that list on the internet and I am nervous to do so but also proud of myself for finding the confidence.

Until last year I had always worked and for 8 years if I wasn’t at work then I had a child with me. Life was full, busy and structured. I didn’t feel the need for goals. Yet now I find myself in a position where I can afford not to work for a while and both my children are at school and it’s all too easy to waste time and that leaves me feeling unfulfilled.

Last year I set goals of a sort, but they were too vague and open, for example, do more exercise. Without them being specific and achievable I feel doomed to fail so this year I am correcting that.

I was simply going to list my goals below, but I have far too much chat to leave it at that, so I will treat you to a little explanation of each.

1. Walk for at least 20 minutes each day I am able

For now, this is my only exercise goal. I didn’t want to be too ambitious initially and set myself up to fail. Trust me even this is a vast improvement on my current regime. I will walk at as fast a pace as I can, and the 20 minutes is a minimum. When I say, ‘I am able’ I mean health wise. I won’t let harsh weather stop me.

 2. Finish bookkeeping course

At the start of last year, I started a bookkeeping course. I had two years to complete two levels. I’m not even half way through the first level, oops. To complete the rest in a year is very doable though.

3. Publish 100 blog posts on The Best Version of Kelly

Last year I managed 65 and want to better that

 4. Start a family review blog 

      

    Yes, I want to start a second blog. One on which to review things the kids love such as the toys. I can tie it in with the kids YouTube channel, Banana Eyebrow (find it here and subscribe please!) I like this type of post, but they don’t fit with the ethos of this blog.

    5. Publish at least one video a fortnight on Banana Eyebrow

Pretty self-explanatory. This one may be ambitious but one a month just isn’t enough of an aim.

6. Lose 11 pounds

Yes, I want to lose and weight and no it isn’t about vanity. The past two years I have been far less active than normal and as a result have put on weight. This means currently barely any clothes fit me and as I can’t afford to replace my wardrobe I have to lose weight!

7. Practise mindfulness

I have been going to mindfulness classes once or twice a month for about six months now, yet I am bad at remembering to practice the meditations between classes. My aim initially is to complete a meditation once a week during January and build that up to daily by June.

8. Face my driving fears

I have always been an anxious driver, yet I had fought to overcome that and was managing to drive from Leicester to both Derby and Nottingham. Until my accident this summer. Now I can barely drive into Leicester. But I fought this once and I will again. I have listed five places all within Leicestershire that I used to confidently drive to and the aim is to get to that stage with each of them again.

9. Finish the year proud of how healthily I ate

Ok this one isn’t at all specific and is hard to measure however I am still unsure the direction this needs to take. Only I will know in my heart if I tried my best whilst retaining a level of moderation.

10. Try fake tan

I bet you weren’t expecting this one! I am pale, especially my legs. I don’t tan. I remember once after a fortnight in Turkey several people on my last day were still assuming I had just arrived. I hate my legs as a result and rarely show them. Three times now over the past few years I have bought a bottle of fake tan but never had the confidence to use it. I know that sounds mad but that was the level of my fear of judgement. I didn’t want to stand out, so I have always avoided anything fake, tan, eye lashes, nails etc.

11. Feel ok about showing my legs in the summer

See number 10, no more explanation needed!

12. Enjoy turning 40

I have been dreading my big birthday coming up in August this year, but I have decided to embrace it, enjoy it, celebrate it and hopefully make my forties my best and most confident decade yet.

13. Social Media

I want to reach the following follower numbers:

Twitter 10,000

Instagram 3,000

Facebook 1,000 (This will be by far the most challenging)

Oh no, that is it and I am so superstitious, I can’t have thirteen goals!! I didn’t number them in my notebook!

Ok so;

14. Read at least one book a month

In addition to all this I will keep up the photography challenge I set myself last January, read about it here. I have stuck to it, for all but my theatre review for which photos were provided. I really know nothing about photography, cameras or editing. I also do not possess the artistic eye or patience needed to lay out photos so overall, I am pleased with my results. They are far from perfect, but I am proud of my photos. The ones used in this post with my hand in, I set them up in minutes in bad light and was holding the camera with my left hand so all in all I don’t think they came out too bad!

Wow I will be busy this year!

I will post goal updates I think quarterly. (someone remind me)

Thank you for reading.

Kelly x