My Second Year of Blogging: What Happened?!

Today my blog is two years old. I can’t quite believe that, it has gone by so quickly.

I started this blog back on 1^st January 2017 as a new year’s resolution. I hoped the blog would motivate me to make many positive changes in my life in a quest to improve my mental and physical health.

The first year whilst not going quite to plan went pretty well and you can read all about that in an old post by clicking here.

What about 2018? You may remember I started the year with a long list of goals and heaps of motivation. Yet I finished it having only published seven blog posts. What went wrong?

Throughout 2017 I experienced a lot of unexpected stress connected to my employment. It was a long process that was constantly pressurised, very emotionally damaging and in the end life changing. I fought it with all I had and didn’t have time to stop and think about what the consequences of what was happening.

Come January 2018 I found myself without a job for the first time in my adult life. With no direction and no clue what to do next. My physical health had been damaged by the ordeal, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome in July 2015 and this prolonged period of intense stress left my symptoms flared and my body weaker than ever.

I started 2018 determined to make the changes I had been planning since the start of 2017 and improve my life and health. Yet the goals I set overwhelmed me. I couldn’t seem to move forward and the seriousness of what I had been through with my employer finally hit me. I got low. I also have a history of depression and despite medication found myself fighting my demons once more.

Frankly I first lost my motivation to blog and then lost my confidence. My fears of judgement crept in, surely no one cared about my life? Could I really stand in front of a camera and post the pictures publicly? Why did so few people now interact with my social media posts? Did I really want each post to be so negative?

I got through the first half of the year mainly by being kind to myself and getting by. Then we got to the school summer holidays. I admit I was concerned. Could I cope with the kids alone each day? Would I cope without so much rest and without my precious me time?

I surprised myself by not just coping well with the time with the children but by also enjoying it.

In August I turned forty. Another milestone I had quietly dreaded but that turned out to be a positive experience. I spent the day with close family and two days later had a daytime party at home.

This boost gave me new found motivation and in September I went to a gym for the first time ever. I was immensely proud of this achievement as facing the fears of looking foolish were the hardest bit, yet I smashed it. My exercise efforts were minimal, slow walking on the treadmill and some cycling and rowing on the lowest effort setting yet I had done it. I went back once a week for I think four weeks.

Then in October we had a five-night break in Majorca. We had a wonderful time. Yet I got through on caffeine (which I don’t normally have) and sleeping pills. That combined with the travelling and change in routine flared my CFS symptoms for a few weeks after we returned.

After the holiday we threw ourselves into a project to have our lounge/diner, entrance hall and landing decorated. I have waited seven and a half years to have this done. Being at home so often and living with someone else’s décor and second-hand furniture did get to me. I pride myself on not being a materialistic person but finally buying my first ever new sofa at the age of forty was certainly exciting. Room pics to follow in a future post I am sure.

That took me to Christmas, which has been busy, family filled and lovely.

The aim for 2019 is to set short term, realistic goals. Concentrating on a healthy diet, gentle exercise and mindfulness.

I also want to publish blog posts regularly again.

Every blogger I know also creates and posts Instagram stories. Being that open has always scared me for many reasons, least of all would anyone even be interested? Yet I enjoy watching other people’s and would love to do my own so watch this space.

I have toyed with the idea of renaming the blog as let’s face it I normally post telling you I am not the best version of me at all. Yet it is still my aim to get to that place. I don’t want or need to be perfect, I just want to be proud of myself.

You know what, reading this back, I am pretty proud of myself after all.

Let’s see what 2019 will bring.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog. It means the absolute world to me.

Hope to see you again soon.

Kelly x